


METAL GEAR SOLID 6: THE FUCK SHIT (HUEY FUCKS UP)

by MayorMcLovin



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2018-09-17 14:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9328190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayorMcLovin/pseuds/MayorMcLovin
Summary: Huey ruins the new "Weed Day" celebration at Diamond Dogs.





	1. “The Execution Of Huey Emmerich”

**Author's Note:**

> just like mgsv i rushed the end, pls enjoy and look out for chapter 2 soon

**_APRIL 20TH, 1984, Mother Base, Seychelles, Africa_ **

 

_ 4:19 PM _

“Go ahead, Boss.” Ocelot said to Punished “Venom” Snake, handing him a lighter. April 20th, 1984 was a day about to go down in history. After much consideration and conversation from the main figureheads of Diamond Dogs, it was decided that there were to be a celebrated “Weed Day.” Yes, a celebration of all things pot, marijuana, grass, dank, leaf, Mary Jane, ganja, cannabis, bud, 420, and chronic. Yes, weed was a special thing around Mother Base. Snake always went around Africa and Afghanistan, collecting the weed plants and bringin ‘em back to Mother Base for the staff (he didn’t need to smoke on the way back, only Pequod, as Snake only needed his vape). 

The idea for this celebration had come in the early days of MSF, after the recruitment of Paz “Pot” Ortega Andrade onto MSF. Paz introduced sweet ass Costa Rican weed (and weed in general) onto MB. Paz was known for her expert rolling, sick smoke tricks and weed recipes. Paz was a weed goddess, edibles and paper and weed galore. It all came down crashing when it was discovered she was really a narc gaining information for Cipher, to which they could blackmail Big Boss and tell the big American feds that MSF had a shit ton of weed. The weed had to be hidden in an inspection, however Huey Fucking Emmerich just HAD to co-conspire with the narcs and tell them to come kill everyone and burn their weed up (ever wonder why the end of Ground Zeroes smelled like pot?????). Paz was killed after a rescue attempt from Camp Omega, but her ideals lived on. Big Boss followed her ideas better than even that of the Boss, and carried on her belief that weed should be legal and everywhere.

Thus, Weed Day was created. A day where all soldiers would halt fighting and come home. Weed balloons would be blown. Weed socks would be worn. Weed flags and banners would be flown. And, god damnit, would weed be smoked. The main attraction, though, was the humongous Weed Cake. The recipe had been inspired by Paz, and perfected by Kazuhira Benedict “McDonell” Miller and Code Talker (this boy needed it for medical reasons). It was a truly marvelous cake, with just the right amount of weed.

Suddenly, a cry was heard. “BOSS!” screamed a gruff, manly twink-ish voice. “YOU HAVE TO WAIT! YOU HAVE TO WAIT TIL THE CLOCK STRIKES 4:20!!!!” Out of the crowd of soldiers surrounding Snake, Ocelot and the cake, a man emerged. He was a lanky, skinny man, wearing a trench coat and beret, shuffling on his one leg with his cane. It was Kazuhira Benedict “McDonell” Miller, the co-founder of Diamond Dogs and MSF. He wobbled over to Snake and Ocelot, accompanied by guard soldiers. “BOSS, IT’S NOT 4:20 YET, YOU HAVE TO WAIT!”

“Now, Miller, no need to get hostile. Boss simply wants to get the cake cutting over with so all the recruits have time to toke.” Ocelot replied to his demands.

“This isn’t how we discussed the plans! We need to follow the schedule for a successful celebration!”

“This is what Paz would have wanted, for all soldiers to smoke as they please…”

“HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT PAZ WOULD HAVE WANTED? SHE WORKED FOR CIPHER, HOW DO WE KNOW THAT YOU’RE NOT EITHER?”

“Quiet!” Snake yelled in his vaguely Keifer Sutherland-esque voice. Suddenly, a red sniper dot appeared on Kaz. It was Quiet the sniper, taking aim on Venom’s command. “No, Quiet, not you.” Venom replied to this action. The dot went away but she was still ready to prowl on Miller.

“Both of you, we’ll wait until 4:20. That’s the weed number.” Snake said solemnly. “We need to have order and respect here on Diamond Dogs. That’s how ohana works.”

“Damnit Boss what did we tell you about watching anime.” Miller slapped Snake with his cane.

“Ohana means family, Kaz. Aren’t you Japanese” Snake replied.

“Watashi wa motherfucker” Ocelot said under his breath, mocking Kaz.

“BOSS!!! BOSS!!!” the soldiers yelled in unison, all looking at their staff-mandated FitBits. “IT’S ALMOST TIME!!!!!!!!!” Snake lined the lighter up with the candles, and with each consecutive number the staff counted down, Snake lit a candle.

“3…….”

“2…..”

‘WAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!!!!!” There came a shrill, nasally, sweaty, unconfident, unpleasant scream from somewhere unbeknownst to the trio. “YOU GOTTA WAIT FOR MEEEE!!!” Soldiers scurried around and made a pathway for the unknown figure. It was Huey Emmerich. Huey Fucking Emmerich. The kid you let sit at your lunch table because you feel bad for him and he keeps trying to talk to you about his Digimon collection and the different brand of mayonnaise on his sandwich than usual. Y’know. Huey Fucking Emmerich. 

He came running to the platform our heroes stand atop. His stupid shitty legs didn’t even work. His own body knew what a worthless and pretentious prick he was. Just the thought of his middle aged fatty fat body due to no physical activity repulsed many. His sweaty bad face looked like a disgusting fucked-up portrait of a much better, less annoying character. His gross half grown mustache looked like a fine persian rug, ground up through some sort of carpet-shredder. He smelled of tuna and seminal fluids, the stench permeating your nostrils like some kind of vocal cord stink parasite. He didn’t even have the audacity to smell like dank. He smelled like a nasty boy. His clothes were tattered and sweaty because he never showered or changed them. He looked like some kind of cuck goblin. A goblin who enjoyed his wife being fucked. A cuck gremlin. Huey Emmerich was a bad man. A bad bad boy with a punchable face. An awful person he was. And he was coming right for them, like some kind of stink train. He was running at them like a chubby little boy being chased by his brother with boogers on his finger. There probably WERE boogers on Huey’s fingers. That’s what a stink man he was. He ran with his stupid metal legs. Who let him have those? His legs were broke. He needed to make legs. Huey sucked. He ran to the platform. “HUEY DON’T COME ANY CLOSER” Kazuhira screamed. 

4:19:59. Time froze. All eyes were on the bad stinky man who was about to trip. Huey arrived at the platform. His big metal foot hit the rim of the platform. Suddenly he was weightless. Only for a second. He felt his feet lift. His whole body was airborne. Only for a second. Everything went black. Everyone collectively blacked out. The beep of the FitBits gave way to consciousness again. Perhaps it was the sheer horror of the incident which prompted the collective blink of thought. Perhaps it was some kind of higher power sparing those in the crowd. The beep ruined this serenity. The beep was an indicator. Time had changed. The time had come.  **4:20 PM** .

All eyes were on Huey, and the dream he had shattered. The scene was indescribable. Here is the description. A sad, sad man, face down on the floor, his face smothered in a marijuana cake. His stupid shitty robot legs still scraping the floor. The cutting knife for the cake but a few inches from any vital area. His glasses feet away, flying off on impact. All fire put out, as the stench wind blew the candles. His muffled screams. The faces of three shocked, disgusted, spiteful, horrified men. 

Huey rolled over. The scene settled. Horrified screams and groans began to arise. The sounds of yells and moans filled the air. “FUCK YOU HUEY!” “KILL THE BASTARD!” “SET HIM ON FIRE!” “GET HIM BOSS!”

Huey stood up. He looked around blurrily, as his stupid body needed glasses to make him see. He wiped the cake from his face and looked around for his glasses. The weed smell masked his stench. He looked at all the angry soldiers. He looked to Ocelot. To Kaz. To Snake. And finally, to the glasses on the ground. They were broken, and he fucking deserved it.

“M...MY SPECS!!!!!! MY SPECS HAVE BEEN BROKEN!!!!!! OH MY GLORIOUS GLASSES!!!! MY VISION IMPROVERS!!! MY EYE HATS!!! HOW DARE YOU SNAKE!!!!! YOU SHOULD DIE!!!!” Huey screamed shittily.

Ocelot punched him in the stomach, his flabby boy stomach. Kaz took his cane and smashed right through Huey’s stupid metal legs. There was a loud fart sound and a stench so foul. Kaz looked to the back of Huey’s pants.

“OH MY GOD, IS THAT POOP? DID YOU POOP YOUR PANTS HUEY? YOU DISGUSTING RAT MAN. YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE BAD BOY! EEEUURGH YOU GET ME SO ANGRY! YOU ARE A TERRIBLE MAN!!! I HATE YOU!!! WE ALL HATE YOU!!!!” Kaz screamed. Huey began tearing up and blubbering, because he’s a cry baby little boy. 

“B-BUT LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!!!! MY GLASSES BROKE!!!! MY SCHNOZZ IS FULL O’ MARRIAGE IGUANA!!! THE DEVILS PLANT!!! IM GOING TO HELL AND IT’S  _ YOUR  _ FAULT!!!! IM  _ INNOCENT  _ HERE!!! I’M THE VICTIM!!! I DIDN’T RUIN THE CAKE!!! HOW DO WE KNOW IT WASN’T POISONED  **OCELOT** ??? OR THAT IT WASN’T FILLED WITH  **CHEMICALS** LIKE YOUR  **BURGERS** MILLER??? IM INNOCENT!!!!!”

Snake looked down at the poopy pants man. He set him up right and brushed off his shitty fake legs and made sure they still worked. Snake made eye contact with the poor goblin man. His face was filled with boogers and tears and cake weed. He then proceeded to pick up the knife. 

“S...Snake… what are you gonna do with that knife???” Huey said, turning to run away. 

“KILL HIM BOSS!!!!” “FUCK HIM UP!!!!” “wait who is that guy” the soldiers screamed, cheering Snake on and encouraging him to kill Huey. Snake looked dead into Huey’s eyes. His stupid, scared, cakey, shitty eyes. Huey could feel the emotion in Snake’s eyes. There was no compassion or love or positivity. There was no joy. There was no humanity. There was only rage. Demonizing, primal, spiteful, natural rage. He began to walk slowly to the cake ruiner. Huey began to walk slowly backwards. 

“B… Boss, I-I’m a good boy!!! I’m innocent!!!! I’m on YOUR side...You wouldn’t kill a fellow Diamond Dog would you??” he shrieked

“DON’T YOU EVER CALL YOURSELF A DIAMOND DOG YOU FUCKER” Kaz yelled to him. “YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A RAT! YOU DESTROYED US! DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING LONG IT TOOK US TO REBUILD? DO YOU KNOW THE DAMAGE YOU’VE DONE TO ALL OF US? YOU FUCKING RUINED EVERYTHING HUEY. YOU’RE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOUR OWN FUCKING SON. YOU EVEN KILLED HIS MOTHER BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN INSECURITY. YOU NEED TO DIE.” 

Huey teared up. He began to run away, fearful of what might happen next. Snake didn’t even chase after him. He just stood there and dropped the knife. He began to speak out, again in his not-David Hayter voice.

“Everyone, a terrible tragedy has occurred. This terrible man has ruined our glorious weed cake. However, while this is a catastrophe, it is not the end. We’ve gotta look to each other for comfort. We have to toke together. We have to join hands and, with our other hands, smoke. This is not just about celebration of weed, it’s about celebration of Paz’s ideas. Just as we pass the blunt along the line to puff, we must pass down this ideology. So I ask you, brothers, to put aside your anger, and if you have a hard time doing that, just smoke a lil. Now, my friends, smoke that shit boys!!!!!!!!!!!” 

Everyone on the base grabbed their joints and blunts from their various uniforms. There was cheers as everyone lit up. Kaz and Ocelot lit each other’s up, forming a sort of bond. Snake too, put his in his mouth. Everyone hugged, kissed, shook hands, and sang together. It was a beautiful sight, full of camaraderie and love. Everything was peaceful on the Diamond Dogs front. And all was well. 

The celebration had lasted hours. Everyone was sleepy, probably from the weed. Everyone had forgotten about the cake, and Huey. The peace was exactly as Paz had wanted it, and Venom looked up to the sky, and saluted in Paz’s memory. He sat down next to Ocelot and Kaz, taking in the beauty of peace. He, too, had felt at peace. His inner struggle and madness had been soothed. He was high as fuck. 

The waves had started to pick up. There was a rumbling of the base. All the soldiers had been awoken. All eyes were on the platform Huey’s lab was. The sound of an engine running had filled the air, making the staff panic. A figure came flying towards the platform. It was Battle Gear.

“HAHAHAHA, SNAKE!!!! I, HUEY EMMERICH, HAVE MODIFIED BATTLE GEAR TO FLY!!! THIS CREATION OF MINE WILL ALLOW MY FULL POWER TO BE UNLEASHED!!! NOT ONLY THAT, BUT I’VE ADDED WORMHOLE TECHNOLOGY TO IT!!! WHEN I SMASH YOUR TINY BABY SKULLS, ALL OF DIAMOND DOGS WILL BOW TO ME, HUEY THE GOD!!!”

Battle Gear’s gun was charging, aiming at vaporize Snake, Ocelot and Miller. Screams and yells were abundant. “HUEY, DON’T!” Kaz screamed to him. 

“THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING WITH HUEY FRIKKIN EMMERICH!!! I’MMA FIRIN MAH LAZER!!!!”

He fired the laser. Snake leaped in front of Kaz and Ocelot, trying to shield them from impact. ‘NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!” screams were unanimous from all the soldiers. There was a bright blue flash, and an electronic sound. The dust settled after a few seconds. The view had changed. Snake, Miller, Ocelot, Huey and Battle Gear were gone. There was nothing left…..

**TO BE CONTINUED IN “** **METAL GEAR SOLID 6: THE FUCK SHIT** **PART 2: ODYSSEY”**


	2. ODYSSEY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Metal Gear Survive but canonical and good.

**APRIL 20TH, 1984, UNKNOWN LOCATION**

_4:21 PM_

     An ocean of golden sand shifts as the hot wind blows across the desert. Heat waves rise from the ground under the grey sky. Laying on the upper side of a dune rest Miller, Ocelot, Huey and Venom Snake. Each of them begin to open their eyes to notice the scenery. The men begin to awake from their haze to find them separated from their Diamond Dogs base, seemingly separated from their own reality. Snake begins to rise, followed by Ocelot, and the two help Kaz come to his foot, leaving Huey on the ground.  
     “You’re not gonna help me up? A poor innocent cripple?” Huey cries from the ground.  
     “Get up yourself you pathetic dolt.” Kaz growled back. The trio began limping away, Kaz hanging from the arms of Boss and Ocelot. They kept their backs to the manchild, trying to get the point across to him that he fucked their whole shit up.  
     “B-But we need to stick together! You can’t leave me here! You guys NEED me to figure out how to get back! Are any of YOU smart enough to get back? You NEED me!!!”  
     The trio kept walking. They had no time to waste assessing the situation or yelling at Huey. They needed to go find how to get back. A primal sense of survival awoke in them as they focused on their problems.  
     “You........ YOU wanted me to put a wormhole gun in the robot Snake! YOU DID THIS TO US!!!” Huey screeched.  
     Suddenly, Snake halted his footsteps. He let Ocelot take all of Kaz’s weight against his body and began to walk back towards Huey. There was no expression in Snake’s face. His eyes went cold as he stared down Huey. He stood menacingly above him, causing the man to break out in a sweat. Snake reached toward his waist, pulling out the knife from his belt.  
     “S-Snake, what are you doing??? You- YOU CANT KILL ME, NO, I HAVE A SON, DON’T DO THIS!”  
     Snake grabbed Huey by his arm as the man struggled against his grip. He sunk the blade into his skin and twisted, going deeper with the twist. Huey let out a high pitched scream as Miller and Ocelot looked back. Snake pulled the man closer as he bled, the sharp pain filling his entire being.  
     “You come with us. You help us get back to our base and we let you survive. Anymore comments from you and this knife goes deeper. You talk back and we make your arms work as well as your legs. And as soon as we get back to Mother Base we’re sending you back to the coast, unless you want to be branded an international criminal. We keep your files for our own research. And we send you on your little cruise with nothing but the mashed peas for babies we have in the maternity ward. Do you understand?”  
     “Y-Yes Snake, please just GET THIS KNIFE OUT OF ME”  
     Snake twisted the knife even further, causing the man to yelp again.  
     “DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?”  
     “YES, YES JESUS CHRI-“  
     Snake pulled the knife from Huey’s arm as he cried. His blood spurt from the wound as he was knocked back. Snake grabbed him again by his shirt and began to cut the buttons off. Snake grabbed the canteen of water from his waist and unscrewed the cap. He raised the container over Huey’s arm and began to pour the water over the cut. He then placed it back on his waist as he removed Huey’s shirt. Ocelot and Kaz gasped in horror at the man’s disgusting, scrawny yet chubby ghoul body. Snake cut the sleeve off of the shirt and wrapped it around Huey’s cut, leaving the rest of the shirt to lay in the desert. Huey was too in pain to react, instead just whimpering and gasping for air. Snake lifted him over his shoulders and began to walk toward Kaz and Ocelot.  
     “Okay Boss, let’s head off.” Ocelot said to Snake, supporting Miller as the men walked off into the desert.

_4:55 PM_

     As the men walked, Ocelot began to speak. “Now, let’s talk plan. We seem to be in a parallel dimension. The wormhole that Huey opened was enough to launch as not only through the dimensional rift but, parallel to our universe, across space. In our own universe, we would be in the middle of the ocean right now, so if my guess is correct...”  
Kaz butted in.  
     “Then if we find where Mother Base would be in our dimension, the wormhole could still be open!”  
     “Exactly. My O C E L O T S E N S E S tell me we should head west. We don’t seem too far from our original location. As long as we keep walking this way we should arrive at our location.”  
     Huey, partly in fear for his life, internalized his desire to prove them wrong, even though he didn’t know the right way either. He just closed his eyes, trying to find his happy place. (His happy place is Chuck E. Cheese, except he gets to be inside the big rat costume.)  
     The men walked for seemingly hours, the hot sun beaming down on their skin. Huey’s shitty shirtless body began to sizzle under the burns from the sun. However, the men continued on their journey, channeling their desire to go home and get shmoked up. They walked past various post-apocalyptic looking scenarios, including a blown up Costco, a weathered Twinkie factory, and what seemed to be a part of Mother Base, but it wasn’t quite, including a party of people who seemed to be some ex Diamond Dog staff members but some kind of spin off characters. Finally, after an amount of walking that seemed like a good time to stop writing, they looked out onto the landscape. The sand sloped deep down into what seemed like a crater which stretched out for miles. The men assessed the territory and came to a realization - they had reached nirvana. An entire crater - filled edge to edge - with parallel dimension weed.

**TO BE CONTINUED IN “ METAL GEAR SOLID 6: THE FUCK SHIT PART 3: HUEY BECOMES GOD”**


	3. HUEY BECOMES GOD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final installment in this dank trilogy

**APRIL 20TH, 1984, ALTERNATE UNIVERSE MOTHER BASE**

_5:20 PM_

     Snake felt a tear come to his eye. Kaz felt his breath fall short. Ocelot had finally experienced true beauty. Huey had fallen asleep due to a heat stroke. The boys had reaches their proverbial Valhalla. The sight of the marijuana paradise had unlocked the third eye of each of their souls. There was no hesitation, as each in their heart knew they had to run down to bask in this glorious land.  
     Snake dropped Huey and locked arms with Ocelot, holding Kaz in between them, and ran gleefully down into the weed garden. Huey rolled and tumbled down the hot sand, instantly waking him up. At the bottom of the crater, the three man skipped gracefully throughout the garden, picking up the plants and throwing them all around, embracing them and gathering as much as I could.  
     “Guys, come ON. Smoking weed isn’t even that cool.” Huey said from the ground. The men simply ignored him and continued playing around.  
     “Miller, do you have papers?” Ocelot asked kindly, putting his hand out politely. Miller reached into his trench coat inner pocket, placing a bag of rolling papers into Ocelot’s hand. Ocelot picked up a handful of plants and, seemingly like magic, they transformed into a joint before his very eyes.  
     “Holy shit, guys...” Ocelot said, stunned. “This weed just magically transformed into a joint! We don’t even need these papers! We can just pick them up like that!”  
     “Actually...” Huey said, attempting to sit up. “There must be a scientific explanation for this phenomenon. I can-“  
     “Anymore comments from you and we’re leaving you here to rot.” Kaz said, looking back at the man.  
     Ocelot took out his lighter and lit up his joint, the blunt that had formed for Snake and Miller’s kush. The three sat down in the middle of the field and let their troubles flow out of them like pee trailing down my pants. They huffed and puffed and blew their lungs out, creating clouds upon clouds. They were content with life at that point, and could stay in this dimension forever.

_5:50 PM_

     “This field...” Snake said, looking down at the plants. “It reminds me of horrible things. Things that I’ve done. Light is but a farewell gift from the darkness to those on the way to die.”  
     “Wow. That was pretty edgy. Where’d you hear that one edgelord?” Ocelot said in a snarky tone.  
     “Your mom.”

_6:15 PM_

     “Damn. I’m getting hungry. I wish we had some of Kaz’s Chemical Burgers right now.” Ocelot sighed.  
     “We could have eaten if we had gone to Chuck E Cheese!” Huey shouted from behind them.  
     “Hey guys, you ever think about like what we are? Are we men or demons? Is what we’re doing morally wrong? Have I misinterpreted The Boss’ will? What if I’m not the real Big Boss?” Snake said in a high haze. Kaz and Ocelot looked at each other with nervous expressions, beginning to sweat.  
     Suddenly, up above them, a wormhole filled the sky. The force of the dimensional rift began to pull the men in. They started to cheer as Huey began getting sucked in too. In midair, he floated himself over to the men and air swam faster than them, trying to reach the portal before them.  
     “Ha ha ha... Ha HA HA!!!! IF I MAKE IT TO DIAMOND DOGS BEFORE YOU THREE, I’LL HAVE A CHANCE TO SAVE MYSELF, AND MAYBE MAKE SOME LOYAL ALLIES! I’LL HAVE A CHANCE TO TAKE OVER DIAMOND DOGS. SO LONG BITCHES!!!!!” Huey finally reached the portal, entering headfirst. He left the men in the alternate dimension, traveling back into his home dimension.  
Huey landed on the platform the man had once stood. The cake mess still lay in it’s place. He leaned against a pole to get up, getting ready to announce his arrival.  
     “HUMBLE SUBORDINATES, IT IS I, YOUR NEW LEADER HUEY EMMERICH! NOW IS THE TIME TO RISE UP AGAINST YOUR TYRANNICAL OVERLORDS, MILLER AND OCELOT! JOIN ME IN TAKING BACK OUR PLACE AS INTERNATIONAL HEROS! OUR TAKEOVER HAS B-“  
     Suddenly, through the wormhole, flew a red bionic arm being propelled by a rocket. The arm hit Huey in the back of the head and knocked him to the ground. Out of the wormhole floated down Venom Snake, with Ocelot and Kaz hanging onto both sides of him. They landed gracefully and the entire staff erupted into cheers. The staff members started to toke up, taking hits to celebrate the joyous return of their leaders.

_6:45 PM_

     “Attention everyone!” Kaz called out to the staff, trying to gain order. Everyone on Mother Base had gathered around onto the helicopter pad to watch the trial of Huey Emmerich. “We are here today to determine if Huey Emmerich is a good enough boy to continue his residence and work here at Diamond Dogs. Huey is accused of the following crimes: Treason, tattling, ruining the weed cake, being a cuckold, making us look at him, sexual misconduct, petitioning for a Chuck E Cheese to open on base, and grand larceny of various scrap metals to construct his very big anime statue. Various degrees of crime have been reported to this panel of judges to determine your fate here. How does the defendant, Huey Emmerich, plead?”  
     “NOT GUILTY!!! NOT GUILTY!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T DO THIS!!! I’M THE VICTIM HERE!!! YOU ARE ALL CRIMINALS!!! WEED IS A CRIME!!! THIS MILITARISTIC WAY OF LIFE IS KILLING THE WORLD!!! I’M JUST A SIMPLE MAN!!!”  
     “Ignored. Commander Ocelot, what say you?”  
     “Guilty.” He replied, staring the man down.  
     “Boss, what have you decided?”  
     “Is the raft ready?”  
     “Yes. By all means, go ahead.”  
     Venom lifted the reptile man over his head. The entire staff began to cheer. Snake inched closer to the railing over the sea. The cheers became intertwined with cries from Huey. Snake had finally reached the rail and, with one quick YEET, had thrown the man over, into the sea. Hueys screams fell into the abyss, and Boss had turned around to see the cheers of his comrades.  
     “Wait, Boss...” Ocelot said, looking over the railing.  
     “Yeah, Adam.” Snake replied.  
     “That wasn’t the side with the raft on it.”

_**FIN** _


End file.
